


Got a Malfoy as my Sex Toy

by Minerva McTabby (McTabby)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Dr. Seuss parody, Humor, Multi, Parody, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-30
Updated: 2010-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McTabby/pseuds/Minerva%20McTabby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parody of <i>There's a Wocket in my Pocket</i> by Dr. Seuss. A celebration of Slytherin sexuality. Written in 2003.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Got a Malfoy as my Sex Toy


    Did you  
       ever have a craving  
       for a  
       MALFOY  
       as your  
       SEX TOY?
    
    ...Think a ROOKWOOD  
          sure does LOOK GOOD?  
       ...Does a BULSTRODE make you EXPLODE?
    
    Sometimes  
       I want a RIDDLE  
          for a FIDDLE  
            in my MIDDLE.  
       Somehow  
       I have these urges  
          quite a LOT  
            around a NOTT.
    
    And that SNAPE  
       peeling a GRAPE!
    
    I will  
       not let him  
       escape.
    
    That's the  
       kind of House  
       we live in.
    
    There's a GOYLE.  
          Pass the OIL!
    
    And this  
       FLINT  
       Tastes like  
       MINT.
    
    And they're  
         open to  
           a hint.
    
    Some of them  
       are merely pleasant
    
    Like this  
       CRABBE  
       I can  
       GRAB.
    
    But  
       that  
        ZABINI  
       in  
       a  
        BIKINI!
    
    Some are pleasant.  
       Some are FAB.
    
    I like my  
         BADDOCK  
       in a  
         PADDOCK.
    
    And MULCIBER  
       spread out on FUR.
    
    But that PANSY  
         Whom I FANCY...
    
    I'd do  
       EVERYTHING  
       with HER!
    
    Ah, dear DERRICK!  
          Esoteric.
    
    He's good fun  
          to have about.
    
    And that  
          BLETCHLEY  
       sure can  
          STRETCH ME...
    
    Him  
          I couldn't  
          do without!
    
    The only one  
       I'm really fond of  
       is the CROUCH  
       on the COUCH.
    
    And that GREENGRASS  
         with the MEAN ARSE...
    
    I would like her  
          to say OUCH.
    
    Yes, it was a magic moment  
       when young HIGGS discovered PIGS.
    
    And when BOLE  
       found the TROLL -
    
    We all watched  
        and shared a grin.
    
    That's only  
        a small part of  
         what goes on  
          in Slytherin...
    
    ...Though you STARE  
           I do DECLARE  
            we can SHARE!  
             Try MACNAIR  
              with the HAIR  
               in MID-AIR.  
                Over HERE.  
                 Over THERE.
    
    ...And a ROSIER  
            makes things COSIER...
    
    ...and  
       AVERY  
         is  
         so  
       SAVORY...
    
    ...and this PUCEY -  
            he is JUICY.
    
    I don't care  
           if you believe it.  
           That's the kind of House  
           We live in.  
           And we hope  
           we never leave it!  
    

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I'm up to no disrespect for the work of J.K. Rowling or Dr. Seuss. And I'm not making a Knut off this.
> 
>  
> 
> Written in January 2003 and dedicated to the Slytherin Fuh-Q Fest. Originally posted [here at LJ](http://mctabby.livejournal.com/52943.html).
> 
> Really just indulgence in a favorite fanon cliche: Slytherin House as one huge den of miscellaneous 24/7 depravity. Mmm, snakes.


End file.
